I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
