i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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