John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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