Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
