I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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