went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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