I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize