There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
