then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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