after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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