the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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