But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
