just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
