dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
