erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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