Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
