Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
