I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
