ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
