She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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