In the future we'll all be gay
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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