So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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