I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
