I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
