I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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