Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
