a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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