rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
