Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
