Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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