In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
