Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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