He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
