with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
