You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
