The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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