Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!