we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.