Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell