I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"