She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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