I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
