If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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