Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
