Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
