he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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