i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bring money and cleavage
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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