I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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