Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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