The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
