Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.