I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday