He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow