next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point