It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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