i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.