Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
