I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
