you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
