Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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