So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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