He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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