I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
