So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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