So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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