well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
