dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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