he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
