my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
