tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
