You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
