She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
