I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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